The Air You Breathed….

Once upon a time, I was the air that you breathed.

I was young and innocent yet,

I gave you life out of my very being.

In the beginning, I took care of you,

When you could not care for yourself.

But as time went on,

Life as we knew it changed.

When I was not with you in body,

I was always with you in spirit,

Because you are an extension of me.

Even though I couldn’t wipe your tears,

I still cried when you cried,

I was sad when you were sad.

I focused on the moment,

When I could be reunited with you.

To be there in body,

Rather than simply in spirit,

You couldn’t possibly know what I was feeling!

You had your own interpretation,

But it was all wrong. How could you know?

My only goal was to work hard,

Get to a good place, back on my feet,

and rush back to get you,

This time for good!

Oh, I left you in great hands,

Full of love and guidance,

To nurture you while you were away.

Now you are older,

Only to remember the loneliness from my absence.

Rather than the reality of my struggle,

My persistence to rise above my obstacles.

No matter how many times I say,

This was my situation and I did the best I knew how, 

It just doesn’t wipe away the sting,

No, it doesn’t change anything.

Many disadvantages come with being a teenager,

Not quite adult yet, but taking a stance in that arena.

So, add that with marrying the MONSTER of your dreams,

Coupled with first time teenage motherhood.

Feared into divorce and left all alone,

To find my own way without a parental compass.

Suddenly starting over and terrified,

What will I do now?

I have this little life that depends on me!

Not a thread of experience as an adult,

Let alone as a single mother.

Who was I?

Just a teenager rushed into adulthood,

Of course, by my own bad decisions,

Yet, without those choices

You would cease to exist.

I have no regrets of giving you life,

Just regrets of doing it when I wasn’t ready,

Perhaps not giving us both a chance,

At normality in this crazy world.

Many times I cried and waited,

For the day when I could bring you home.

Not a moment went by that I did not miss you.

I cannot go back in the past for if I did,

Given the same situation,

The picture might not look much different.

Unless I stayed in the abusive marriage,

Perhaps the unthinkable migh’ve happened,

Then, I would not have been around either way.

Only our Father, God knows.

Yes, we were reunited eventually,

But the struggle didn’t change.

As I was still finding my way over the years,

Eventually a full grown adult,

But still no compass or guide.

Trying to find my way,

Sometimes giving tough love,

To try and make you stand strong,

Other times, too passive and just short of a doormat.

Because as you got older my decisions,

To give you what I thought you needed,

As a mother, werent always accurate

Because no one is perfect, never will be.

So, today I feel estranged,

For doing the best that I could.

We are both much older now,

I am in your presence,

Yet, I am merely an object of tolerance.

Now with extensions of yourself,

That I may never get to know,

Feels like I may have to cut my losses and just let go.

Until the day when God sees fit to give me back,

Everything the devil stole from me and from you.

Never completely walking away,

As you’re always with me in spirit,

Because you came from me.

So, I am never out of reach,

I used to be the air that you breathed.

Just something to think about…

My second poem…

My eyes light up when I smile,

My eyes close real tight when I cry!

I mostly see my smile because I am mostly happy.

My personality and drive is that of a fighter,

A fighter who never gives up.

I know I am in good hands because God sustains me.

If you look in the mirror long enough,

You just might see a reflection of me.

Aren’t we really the same when you look close up?

I see myself in you and you in me.

We all strive for the same things,

At least most of us do. Even our desires are similar.

We seek true love, happiness, and good health,

Wealth, family, and friends are important to us.

Some of us seek eternal life, but some of us don’t.

We are all connected in this great big world,

Some of us know it, but sadly some of us think we are alone.

Well, you are not alone!

But you have to open up so I can see you,

The real you, the vulnerable you, the sad you, the happy you.

When you pass that elderly person on the street,

You could be looking at yourself years down the road.

When you cross paths with that teenager who might be lost,

Perhaps that teenager was you many years ago.

When you smile your eyes light up,

When you cry your eyes close real tight.

We are all connected…

 

 

 

Always stay prayed up…

Recently, I learned that it is so very important to stay prayed up no matter how good life seems to be going.  If you don’t, you leave yourself open for the enemy to sneak in and throw a monkey wrench in your day.

Your inner joy can never be taken away because God gives it you by way of the holy spirit, but things can get thrown off quite a bit if you’re caught off guard and that can be disturbing for a while until you are able to process it properly.

I had a Great Christmas Day and a Very Happy New Year!  It was kind, quiet, peaceful, and pleasant.  I was able to rest a little before I started my day.  So, everything was really nice.

I was pretty hopeful that the new year would bring many blessings for my family and me.  I still am very excited and hopeful about what great things this new year has in store for me, but was saddened by a few twists and turns days after my peaceful and happy moments.

Life is still good and I am blessed beyond measure, but with a few unexpected eye openers that I would rather not have had the displeasure of experiencing.  Things that I wish I could turn back the clock and have things back the way they were, maybe even better, if that makes any sense.

But that’s life, I guess.  Sometimes life will throw you a curve ball.

What do you do with that curve ball?  You keep praying, try to express as much love to those who need it and wait for the next one to come and hope it lands where its supposed to.

As far as those things which sadden me, I know that God will fix everything and put it all back together again the way it was meant to be.

Moving forward, I won’t take any opportunities to pray for granted, and neither should you, because when the enemy can’t get to you directly, he’ll try to find ugly and nasty old ways to get to you through the people you hold so near and dear to your heart.

So, never ignore opportunities for prayer because you’re too busy or too tired.

Make time to pray everyday!  Pray for yourself, your loved ones, your friends, really everyone, because we’re all in this together.

Just something to think about…

My First Poem…

 Who am I?

I am my Father’s great creation and I smile ever so softly,

I am God’s child with a heart of gold that shines ever so brightly.

 

At least I try to shine most of the time.

Look at me, I am imperfect, yet my existence was perfected by God.

 

I am one of his great works of art, just like you,

Do I serve my purpose?  Well, I certainly try to.  Do you?

 

I believe my purpose is to light up a room of dimmed hearts,

He carefully constructs our very being, each and every part.

 

Our minds, our bodies, and our spirits,

I try to listen when he speaks but sometimes I can’t hear it.

 

He sustains me and keeps me humble and grounded,

But sometimes I lose my way and just become dumbfounded.

 

At the loving way he puts things back into perspective for me,

I believe God wants me to be all that I can be.

 

It is up to me to let him lead the way and then do my part,

Because as I said, I believe my purpose is to light up a room of dimmed hearts.

Who are you?

Just something to think about…

Ps.  This attempt at writing a poem was inspired by a stranger I met in passing who said that a poem can say anything you want it to say.  It doesn’t have to rhyme, but it can if you want it to, its totally up to you.  What’s important is that you write it from your heart.  That’s what makes a poem a poem.

Trust…

In a world where there is little to no integrity among businesses and consumers, you say “Trust me”.  I say, prove yourself first.

I don’t mean to jump from my usual loving posts to the exact opposite, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on this a little as it has recently become a concern to me.

It is so important to be a man or woman, or in this case a “business” of your word, but in my recent experiences, there appears to be no such thing anymore when it comes to the merchant/repairman-consumer relationships.  Integrity seems to be a thing of the past.

I remember a time when the postmaster was definitely trustworthy.  That doesn’t seem to be the case any longer.  In my personal experiences, they don’t take pride in delivering the mail properly and due to politics in business they have to flood you with unwanted junk mail just to say that they honored their agreement with their client.  So they say to me, also their client, that they can’t stop it so you have to deal with it and “just throw it out”.  This is what I was told from a postal worker.

Why can’t I be afforded the choice to opt out of receiving this, especially if I am paying for these service by way of an annual and excessive post office fee to them or even simply as a taxpayer.

I’m fine with throwing out a couple pieces of junk mail, but when my mailbox is bombarded with mail and none of it is relevant, it becomes a problem.  I find myself going to check the mail just to head right to the trash and coming back empty handed.

Due to my age, I never got to experience the milkman service, but from what I hear, the milkman was like family as was the postal carrier.  They could be trusted and they were often times adored. Times sure have changed!

Now, it has become all about how much money the business can save and not about providing the best service possible.  If they can cut corners without being exposed, they will surely do so in an effort to spare themselves the expenditures.  They try to stretch that dollar as far as they can.

Now, I have no problem with stretching the dollar, but just not at the expense of the consumer.  It is wrong, it is immoral, and it is theft in its mildest form, at least that is my opinion.

Several months ago I had to force integrity upon a vendor in an effort to make them accountable to do “their” jobs.  It was like pulling teeth and due to my intense focus on this issue along with a few others directly related to inadequate services, I missed a very important event in my life that has caused me a setback.

I figure the setback may have been allowed by God because maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to move forward and I’m ok with that because I trust God completely and if it was for me to move forward, no distractions would have prevented it.  But it still does not negate the fact that people should say what they mean and mean what they say.

If you say you’re going to provide a service, do it to the best of your ability without trying to sneak in an omission to give yourself an monetary advantage.  An omission is a failure to act.

Just something to think about…

A lesson in social etiquette…

I was motivated to write today because of an experience I had with a couple of people over the past week.  I will probably never cross paths with them again, but both conversations stuck with me.

There are people in this world who are inherently biased, so they live by their own set of moral rules.

I spoke with a gentleman who was not so gentlemanly.  He spoke with little to no filter. No, I don’t mean profane language. Rather, he spoke with a very strong sense of negativity and shared his abrasive opinions of others.

He made remarks that didn’t sit well with me but I didn’t address his opinions proactively.  Instead, I actively listened and when he was finished I attempted to soften his thought process just a little with my gentle and ever so eloquent reply.  But he didn’t see the big picture that I tried to paint for him.

He was obviously set in his ways and there was seemingly no probability of changing his thought process on life, let along any specific thing that I deemed significant, like the fact that God created us all and we are all unique and special in his eyes even if the world doesn’t think so.

So, I just called it a loss and utilized the only option I had, and that was to pray for him in hopes that God will open his eyes to see people in a different way.

Perhaps, he needed to see himself in a different way first because I believe that the root of someone’s negativity about others really mirrors the way they feel about themselves.

Just a couple of days later, I had a similar conversation with someone else.  The topic was somewhat different but the message was the same.

It had to do with cross-cultural communication.  This individual had a soft and subtle way of demeaning people who’s verbiage or accents didn’t mirror hers. She said she was bothered by the struggle to communicate during her interactions with “these people”.

I thought to myself, “Maybe if she was suddenly released from her superiority complex and tried to be more open minded, the communication gap might be mended.”

I’ll say it again, “We are all God’s children”

Needless to say, I softly and subtly put things into perspective for her and she was able to grasp the concept that maybe she needed to rethink her position.  I sensed a somewhat apologetic sound in her voice.  I think that, in that moment, she was able to see her true self in the mirror.  Perhaps, she didn’t like what she saw.

I’d be fascinated to know what people like the ones mentioned above would do if, by some strange coincidence, they learned that their ancestry could be linked to the very people they criticize.  Wouldn’t that be interesting?

I personally find people of different cultures and bloodlines fascinating because we are all different in one way or another. Some of us just happen to speak the way in which the “world” deems acceptable and some of us don’t.  The fact of the matter is that we can all learn from each other if we just tried.

God has blessed me with the desire to influence, create, and sustain a loving environment among the people I encounter in hopes that they will carry that loving mindset with them where ever they go and pass it on so it spreads like wildflowers.

We should all strive to make a positive difference.

Just something to think about…

 

 

God’s special way of communicating…

Funny thing happened to me this morning.

So, I had decided last night that I would not be attending Sunday morning church service because of my late work schedule and the fact that I have an exam, a quiz, and a final to study for, all which are due NOW and over the next 11  days.

My story began when I woke up this morning from a strange dream.  Usually, when I have a disturbing dream, I typically will get on my knees and pray and talk to God about it for comfort.

After I finished praying about the dream, I started to develop a conscious about not going to worship service.  Now, I know that you don’t have to go to church to serve and worship God, but it does help to keep me grounded and focused on God.

Just the idea of being around like minded people and sharing God’s word and all of the teachings that come out of attending service helps me.

So, I said to God, “You know, I really don’t feel like going to service today, but if you want me to go, just let me know and I’ll go.”

God has many unique ways of speaking to us because shortly after that, I picked up my phone, unlocked it, and there was the navigation directions to the church and the word “Go”.  I was floored by this for a minute.

Then, I thought that maybe I had somehow prompted this by something I said and Siri heard it, but during my prayer time my phone was not in the vicinity of my voice so that couldn’t have happened.

Furthermore, I certainly did not say “Navigate to” my church because I don’t need directions to get there.  So, there is no way it just happened for no particular reason.  Things like this are what I call signs and wonders from God.

I guess that meant that he wanted me to get my behind up and attend church service because there is no other explanation for this.

Of course, some might say, coincidence, but I’ve seen coincidental happenings and this was not one of them.

Needless to say, I got up, took a bath, and found myself in Sunday morning service.  It’s a good thing I went because the message was about spiritual death and resurrection, which is thought of as spiritual disconnect from and re-connection with God.

That is something I do struggle with in my day to day frustrations.  Lately and seemingly frequently, I will feel a disconnect and I say to him, “I need to feel the spiritual connection, so please lead me back to the place where I feel connected with you again.”

It does not mean that God is not right there with me.  It just means, for me at least, that I am so bombarded with the day to day worldly distractions, that I cannot feel his presence or hear what he might be trying to tell me at that point and time in my life.

Well, he certainly made it clear this morning.  God’s remedy for all of our confusion is to get our attention, and speak to us however he sees fit and that is what he did today.

So, today and in this moment, I do feel a spiritual connection to my father God.  It was clearly shown to me in the message from the sermon today.

Do you feel a connection with God?

Just something to think about…